sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize