Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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