So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
