But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
