Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
