Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
