I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
