Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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