I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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