woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
