she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
