I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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