so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
