hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
