i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
