i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
