i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Damn victory sex feels great
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
