After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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