I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
