No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
