Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize