HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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