You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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