So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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