I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
