When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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