I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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