did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize