then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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