well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
