hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
