I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
