It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize