she looked like the before picture.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
