HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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