she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
