I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently you make a good broom.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
