bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
