there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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