She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize