I can tuck mytits in my pants
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
