At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
