his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
