I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
