today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she told me i tasted like america
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
