At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and she was petting her beer can
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
