I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
