Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
