Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
