Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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