I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
