There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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