That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
