I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
