there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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