susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
