After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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