I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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