Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
