There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
