we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
