after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
