yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
