I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
