i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
