you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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