u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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