Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
