Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it glows. i had to have it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
