What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need a beard to bite.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
