# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
