i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i out mim tonsoeep
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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