so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
