Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
