I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
