Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
