Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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