drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
