I'm eating all of the evidence.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
