he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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