it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
