K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
