Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
