I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
