i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
