My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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