Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize