Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
