Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
